7 Card Spread

Q: The Dad situation at the present moment

A: Death, Letter, Solider, Thoughts, Party, Love, Wedding

Death: Finding out the truth killed and changed so much. My relationship with my dad, my brother and mom, my older siblings. Destroyed is the image of him being a good man. It was shattered. I feel dead most of the time. I can't feel much because of the shock. And it's a change. it's all life changing.

Letter: Sending and receiving emails and text messages from my older siblings and my dad. It's the period of discussion we're having.

Solider: Since I'm numb, I just might get over his lies just to quit this. I'm so tired of it. I might just go back to never questioning him to his face. Taking those orders, keeping my mouth shut, doing what he says, pretending I don't believe he's a total liar.

Thoughts: I'm suspended in a time of suspension. I haven't answered his email. I'm still contemplating it and how he told half truths in it. I'm thinking about how that's the most honest I've seen him.
Party: My older siblings want all of us to come together, minus my dad. They want my youngest siblings to meet my brother and I after 11 years. They want us to accept them. They want us to heal together and just be a family.

Love: I don't know if I believe in it anymore. I know it can't/doesn't last. Was it real to begin with? How can I continue to write my books when I can't deal with love? My characters have intimacy issues already; how much more can I mess them up?

Wedding: Basically the same as the Love card. I don't believe in marriage anymore. I've had such a fine example. I just want to get away from my dad. I find him sick, as does my mom. He made my sister have issues with men, and now I'm even worse with this new bomb. How many more years will I be like this?! I was just starting to get used to being touched and semi-okay with relationships after years of struggle. Now what?

It all comes full circle back to the Death card. That's how my life feels like. Learning the truth will ruin my younger siblings. I pray they never know and they don't go digging like I did.