Daily Reading

Five of Cups:

A girl is standing in her garden-turned-cemetery, illuminated. It's a dark time, for in her hand she clutches at her loss, not seeing what's left of her ivy. She doesn't care how much she has left, only what she doesn't have. This girl is in mourning and it makes me wonder how long she's posed as a statue. The place around her has been severely neglected. Her hair is horribly unkept. She needs to wake up and look at what's become of her situation.
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This card makes me question a few aspects of my life. There are many things I've neglected. I have this annoying habit of focusing on one thing at a time, devoting all my time to it. Right now, amazingly enough, I've been doing tarot and lots of exercise. Read it--two things at once! Each day I know I've missed another hour of German and Craft study. I regret this everyday. I'm so behind in the meditation chapter of my course. I have until the end of April, or else I'll be cutting time out of next month's chapter of the book. I think that there isn't enough time, so I made a schedule over a month ago that is very reasonable. Wanna know how long I stuck to it? Maybe three weeks, tops. I lost my German stuff, so I didn't do it. Found it and didn't do it. Didn't feel like working on one of my books (just did tons of pages over two weeks), didn't do it. I'm only making myself feel like a failure. So today I will make time. I don't want to end up depressed. I've had enough experience being in that state.